Why- a short story of (not) letting go

 

seeing him for the first time

one and only boy

artist of the cruelest crime

thief of candour and joy

the one who ran away

and never stops running

afraid of being real or sad

6 dark months went by

and i can’t remember why i was mad

we kick it of, like we always pretended to

no, “i’m sorry” or “i missed you”

but it’s okay, the sky is again blue

and believe me it hurts

to watch you fall and rise up again

in a blink of an eye

why, can you tell me why

it’s so easy for you to lie

time passes by,

we both move on and i forget cursing your name

we talk and act like everything’s the same

let us get crazy and play one more whimsical game

the emptiest hole in my soul

us talking like we always do

sipping my coffee and asking myself if i should let you

know me

asking myself if i should immortalize the moment 

cause you can disappear any time

asking if you’ll paint my world

once again blue

leaving me breaking and never looking back

is this what thrill feels like?

keeping me on the edge

flashbacks creeping in

i said i’m happy for you

i’ll do it again

i gave you space, you took your time

3 months later

i’m crying, 

you are fine

i say things i do not mean

sweet, dark, tragic comedy, the queen

nothing between us

except cuts dark and obscene

you were for them what you swore you couldn’t be for me

silence

only fighting in my dream

no words

just missing not being 16

eventually drying my eyes and facing my fears

and i thought i’ll never believe it

it’s true how much it hurts

to rise and fall

erasing me from your list.

look me in the eye

cross your heart and tell me why

why is it so easy for you to lie

silence

making reality your dream

no words

always running from coming clean

missing out on the girl you haven’t seen